This blog started one year ago today with my first post about divorce. Which is a bigger deal than you may realize- other than a Facebook post announcing the fact this was my first time talking about it in any kind of public forum. It taught me that I have 1) the courage to do this and 2) a remarkable and beautiful group of friends who have woven themselves into the essential support system which helps me exercise that courage.
It is, again, one day after my marriage’s anniversary. 10 years. The first big one, you might say. I was in a general bad mood yesterday, which has been fairly typical for these last few September 29ths. This year I realized it early on, and that gave me the opportunity to step back, take notice, and be a little more gentle with myself. What a gift it felt like to honor what was going on internally and do my best to be as present as possible in the more positive aspects of the day.
I can’t speak definitively for my family or coworkers, but I’m guessing no one I didn’t tell about the date’s significance or my emotional reaction to it could tell where I was that day. I think I probably seemed fairly normal (for me).
I don’t really have a life lesson this time, and this isn’t really meant as part of the “what to (or not to) say” series. Except to say this- those days will probably be harder for longer than we may expect. I don’t think this was my last rough September 29th (it doesn’t help, I’m sure, that our miscarried little one would have been due around now too). And with the exception of one very close friend, I didn’t share that with anyone. It’s not likely something I’ll be broadcasting. I don’t really want to draw special attention to that day every year, because it feels too much like when it was a calendar-marked holiday. But it’s not really something I can ignore either. It’s just there. But so are you. And that helps.